Waking Up Eutychus
What is needed for Dad and Mom to hand off faith in Jesus to their children? Many parents feel inadequate at communicating their faith to their kids, leaving it to the church. That is not wise. Not because the church staff and volunteers don’t do their best to transmit biblical truth, it’s just that they don’t have the connection parents have, and that factor is crucial. In a recent article in Christian Standard magazine, Tyler McKenzie discusses what most data points to, if parents want to give their children the best chance to grasp faith in Jesus. For the sake of this one page Waking Up Eutychus, let me summarize, with a few comments of my own added.
Daily, parent-initiated, kid-led faith conversations. In other words, parents may open the conversation, but kids ask the questions and are allowed to do most of the talking. The parent listens and responds honestly, offering advise as needed, pointing to biblical truth as applicable. The child must know the parent won’t be condemning, and will accept all honest questions, within a loving, caring atmosphere. A great time to have this conversation? At the supper table.
Authoritative parenting style over authoritarian or permissive. What is authoritative compared to authoritarian? Authoritarian makes demands, is unbending, adopts the “my way or the highway” mantra. By contrast, authoritative: is high on expectations and direction, but also high on warmth and affection; is high on discipline and accountability, but also high on emotional response and communication; is caring but not indulging; is clear on boundaries while encouraging freedom within the boundaries; is firm on convictions but flexible in application. A parent won’t do these things perfectly, no doubt, but should seek such balance.
Fathers matter a lot. Not diminishing the mother’s role but simply acknowledging that fathers are crucial to what a child needs growing up. The power of a godly father has extraordinary power. The absence of this is seen over and over in the lives of people who love their moms but become criminal and struggle to find God’s place for them.
Grandparents matter a lot too. Some research has shown that a faithful grandparent can replace the role of a faithless or absent parent. Certainly, it enhances things when you have a faithful and present parent!
The 5:1 Ratio. The Powell and Fuller Institute found that when kids are mentored and loved by a broader Christian village, it has a profound impact. This intergenerational village provides spiritual support where faith is modeled and the connection with your child multiplied. I’ve seen this in my own life (Rick), growing up with many from First Christian Church in Vandalia, MO having influence. To think church isn’t important is to be naïve when it comes to spiritual formation of the child, in particular, but for you, parents, also.
Stable marriage, with a united faith walk. Certainly, the parent in a stable marriage best impacts the child. And when both parents go to church together and share similar beliefs, this impact is enhanced.
If the child goes to college, the first two weeks are critical. More than one research has shown that the beginning of college is pivotal. Getting your child plugged into a faith community during that time strongly influences their long-term spiritual habits. Again, from personal experience (Rick), I was introduced to the campus minister at the National Street Church of Christ when I started at SMSU in 1970, but allowed my non-Christian friends influence to dominate, did not get involved with the campus ministry, and suffered spiritually because of it, almost losing my faith during college.
Good theology must serve as the foundation for parenting. Once more, research has shown that what many parents pass down is a Christianized version of “the American dream.” A means to the goal of a good life, comfortable, happy, and moral. That’s not orthodox Christianity. We need Jesus as Lord, whatever may come, with holiness instead of happiness as the primary goal as we follow him. Enjoy happiness when it comes, but do not make it the ultimate goal.
Question: What needs to be tweaked for you to be the kind of parent who makes the best Christian impact on your kids?
(articles can also be found at rickwilliswrites.wordpress.com)
Daily, parent-initiated, kid-led faith conversations. In other words, parents may open the conversation, but kids ask the questions and are allowed to do most of the talking. The parent listens and responds honestly, offering advise as needed, pointing to biblical truth as applicable. The child must know the parent won’t be condemning, and will accept all honest questions, within a loving, caring atmosphere. A great time to have this conversation? At the supper table.
Authoritative parenting style over authoritarian or permissive. What is authoritative compared to authoritarian? Authoritarian makes demands, is unbending, adopts the “my way or the highway” mantra. By contrast, authoritative: is high on expectations and direction, but also high on warmth and affection; is high on discipline and accountability, but also high on emotional response and communication; is caring but not indulging; is clear on boundaries while encouraging freedom within the boundaries; is firm on convictions but flexible in application. A parent won’t do these things perfectly, no doubt, but should seek such balance.
Fathers matter a lot. Not diminishing the mother’s role but simply acknowledging that fathers are crucial to what a child needs growing up. The power of a godly father has extraordinary power. The absence of this is seen over and over in the lives of people who love their moms but become criminal and struggle to find God’s place for them.
Grandparents matter a lot too. Some research has shown that a faithful grandparent can replace the role of a faithless or absent parent. Certainly, it enhances things when you have a faithful and present parent!
The 5:1 Ratio. The Powell and Fuller Institute found that when kids are mentored and loved by a broader Christian village, it has a profound impact. This intergenerational village provides spiritual support where faith is modeled and the connection with your child multiplied. I’ve seen this in my own life (Rick), growing up with many from First Christian Church in Vandalia, MO having influence. To think church isn’t important is to be naïve when it comes to spiritual formation of the child, in particular, but for you, parents, also.
Stable marriage, with a united faith walk. Certainly, the parent in a stable marriage best impacts the child. And when both parents go to church together and share similar beliefs, this impact is enhanced.
If the child goes to college, the first two weeks are critical. More than one research has shown that the beginning of college is pivotal. Getting your child plugged into a faith community during that time strongly influences their long-term spiritual habits. Again, from personal experience (Rick), I was introduced to the campus minister at the National Street Church of Christ when I started at SMSU in 1970, but allowed my non-Christian friends influence to dominate, did not get involved with the campus ministry, and suffered spiritually because of it, almost losing my faith during college.
Good theology must serve as the foundation for parenting. Once more, research has shown that what many parents pass down is a Christianized version of “the American dream.” A means to the goal of a good life, comfortable, happy, and moral. That’s not orthodox Christianity. We need Jesus as Lord, whatever may come, with holiness instead of happiness as the primary goal as we follow him. Enjoy happiness when it comes, but do not make it the ultimate goal.
Question: What needs to be tweaked for you to be the kind of parent who makes the best Christian impact on your kids?
(articles can also be found at rickwilliswrites.wordpress.com)
Posted in Waking Up Eutychus